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Tour De France stage 14 result, was won by Russian Serguei Ivanov with American George Hincapie moving up to second overall. He attributes some of the credit to his new bike seat.

NEWS UPDATE: Most bikers still insist that uncomfortable bike seats reduce headwind.

2009 Home Run Derby winner Prince Fielder invites babes over to his hotel room for the official home run derby contest. Babes worry they’ll only get to second base. Prince Fielder promises grandslams.

American Idol teenie fans kindly ask that Seacrest donate 1 million to the I hate Ryan Seacrest fanclub.

NEWS UPDATE: what the f! 45 million really?

Emma Watson, 19, star of the Harry Potter films, is not pregnant. Daniel Rawcliffe aka Harry Potter, however is desperately attempting baby making spells with his baby making magic wand.

NEWS UPDATE: Internet browsers lose interest in Emma Watson when told she is actually 19 years of age.

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President Obama appreciates a good butt. He just initiated a bill that allows booty checking in the work place legal. Bail outs will be given to companies that enact this new law.

Jessica Alba will be attending Michael Jackson’s memorial at the staple center. She entered the controversial lottery to be buried with MJ, no word on if she has won.

NEWS UPDATE: Lucky 14 year old boy wins lottery to be buried alive with skeletor Michael Jackson. Congrats kid.

Steve McNair former NFL quarter back, will be fined for PDA (Public Display of Affection) with his girlfriend of seven months. Although Sahel Kazemi was also found guilty of these crimes, she won’t be charged for obvious reasons. However Mcnairs wife to pay for both fines. Photos of their hand holding and eskimo kisses will hurt chances of an appeal for the PDA fine.

UPDATE: Steve McNair’s wife PO’ed.

A lactating miley cyrus has been sending nude photos of herself to her potential fathers of her baby. Who’s my baby’s daddy song being recorded this week. Leaked tracks will be available shortly.

The recent discontinutation of polaroid films had emo scene girls in a serious panic. Thankfully iphone has several polaroid style effects for the digital camera that mimick the classic high art slut look. Now once again anyone can pretend to be a photographer and trick girls into posing topless. Cheers!

Megan Fox, star of the upcoming Transformer 2 movie, has confused many toe fetish lovers. “I want to see a topless naked Megan Fox, but at the same time what the deal with that thumb?” asks 15 year old aspiring toe fetish perv.

NEWS UPDATE: Megan Fox will be topless in the upcoming Thumb Wars episode 4 dvd.