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iPhone 5 aka iPhone 4s-ucks

Apple’s new iPhone 4S is just last year’s design with better nerdy techy internals. Go nerd out on the specifics on Apples website. The good news is the camera looks like it got a significant upgrade. So that means leaked celebrity, cost ex-gf, side effects current girlfriends, visit this and selfshot pictures of your dong will be at a higher resolution.

• New camera: Its sensor is 8 megapixels, compared to the previous 5 megapixels. Much better than before. The most interesting thing is the sensor, however: It’s a CMOS backside illuminated sensor. Apple says that gets you 73% more light than the iPhone 4 sensor. The latter was already quite impressive, so I can’t wait to try this one. Apple has also remodeled the lens system, with five lens elements. They say they get now f2.4.

Sorority Obsession Leads Police to Anthrax Suspect

Investigators, there after several years of looking into a string of infamous anthrax-laced letter mailing crimes, healing finally closed in on Bruce Ivins, after Ivins emailed pictures of himself developing the deadly strain of the virus to a former member of Kappa Kappa Gamma, the sorority he had been obsessed with in college. Ivins overdosed on prescription pain medication before police could make an arrest and only weeks before Ivins himself could throw his annual anthrax-laced foam party.

Jwoww Is Pretty Jmeh

Finally (and by finally we mean, order who actually cares) are some topless (and by topless we mean, the fuck is this bullshit) photos of MTV’s Jersey Shore Jwoww, aka Jennifer Farley.

Deadly Melons

Health officials say as many as 16 people have died from possible listeria illnesses traced to Colorado cantaloupes, troche the deadliest food outbreak in more than a decade. Listeria is more deadly than well-known pathogens like salmonella and E. coli, price though those outbreaks generally cause many more illnesses.

CDC officials are asking all melons, shop whether it be, watermelon, honeydew melon, or double DD melons, to be investigated and inspected from all angles and test firmness thoroughly. Although one can’t see if Listeria bacteria exists based on those techniques, at least you’ll be able to see if your deadly melon is somewhat ripe for the tasting.

Excited FBI Investigates Nude Scarlett Johansson



Hollywood celeb Scarlett Johansson, pharmacy has tapped the FBI for help investigating who could have hacked and stolen nude photos of the famed actress. The FBI seems to have taken on the case without hesitation. “Those novelty shirts that say ‘Federal Boob Investigator’ could really come in handy right about now”, says stoked FBI agent.



Gone Fishin’

Babezatron staff will be taking a fishing trip this weekend. See you on Monday suckers.

Sasha Grey For PETA Against Doggystyle

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Sasha Grey…you know who she is, shut up, don’t lie asshole…she lends her famous phat ass in this sexy PETA ad campaign to promote neutering and spaying your frisky little friskers.

Each year in the U.S., 6 to 8 million dogs and cats are dumped at animal shelters—and nearly half of them must be euthanized for lack of a good home. Spaying or neutering your dog or cat is a crucial step toward saving lives. The only way to become a “no-kill nation” is to become a “no-birth nation.” Sasha talks about why too much sex can be a bad thing in this behind-the-scenes video from her nude photo shoot.

Steve Jobs Resigns

Finally, prostate either die or quit already. Thanks for making us lot$ of money via aapl, no rx but seriously fuck you, cialis 40mg for all the throw up I’ve had to throw up all over my face everytime I see two pieces of shits doing embarrassingly gay shit like this. Fuck, I just threw up all over my face.

NEWS UPDATE: Pile of cash now reduced to smaller pile of cash due to Steve Job tugjobbers running scared and selling shares. -5.4% at after hours trading. Just threw up all over my pile of cash.

What Goes Up Must Go Crashing Down



We need more Katy Perry upskirt days and less Smurfs involvement in the stock market. Who was the genius that allowed Smurfs to enter the Stock Exchange?  “No, hospital No, side effects let them in, page they are adorable and in now way going to cause any trouble”.We just lost our company Ferrrari due to the 600 point dip in the DOW on Monday, probably because a little prancy mischievous Smurf was walking on a stock broker’s keyboard and pressed sell a billion times. Now we know why Garagamel hated these little blue fuck nuts, because they are fucking dicks.

NEWS UPDATE: Fucking Smurfs.

Oh Boi, Big Boi Arrested

Now we just need to meet her…probably on Fairfax.

OutKast member and hip-hop artist Big Boi was arrested in Miami on Sunday. Big Boi, Antwan Andre Patton, 36, was charged with three counts of possessing, Ecstasy and Viagra. Looks like all he needed was a little help to get his Lil-Boi up and running, no harm in that. The embarrassment is punishment enough, leave The Po’ Boi, Big Boi and his Lil Boi alone.

Nicki Minaj Nip Slip

Although we loved seeing a Nicki Minaj nip slip on Good Morning America today, erectile we don’t like that over weight right winged over protective mothers will be crying to the FCC. To compensate the FCC will probably start censoring everything willy nilly and further push for an internet controller. Remember the annoying mom from Donnie Darko that was really into Sparkle Motion and doubted the commitment of others? Well even if you don’t she was really annoying, this site and these are the type of people crying over nipple slips, advice and the word fuck; they suck, are ugly, overprotective, and will ruin the internet by pressuring the government to create some sort of internet ruining committee.

NEWS UPDATE: Nice nips by the way.
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Harry Potter Billionaire



This past weekend, find Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 became the first in the series to cross the $1 billion mark at the worldwide box office. Time to fucking celebrate hard, those residual checks are going to be nice and fat this year, you lucky jerks.

 

Shark Week, This Week

Discovery channel begins their week of non stop shark programming July 31st. No word if they will premiere the controversial In the Deep : Black Tigers On Great Whites iV.

Amy Winehouse Reported Dead

Amy Winehouse, sales 27, visit has been reportedly found dead. However we are still convinced she was Steven Tyler (we would say “in drag”, but you know, he already dresses like a bitch) this whole entire time. I mean “dude looks like a lady”, come on, read between the lines. The ultimate reveal is coming, just wait, M Night couldn’t even come up with a twist this twisted in his wildest brown dreams.

 

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