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2009 cash for clunkers

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The government is issuing 4, website 500 dollar rebate for trading in your clunker car when you purchase a new car from your local dealership. Local hookers offer a two for one dunk yer balls  on my face deal in celebration.

nfl reinstates michael vick on conditional basis

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Almost two years after pleading guilty to federal dogfighting charges, hospital the NFL has reinstated QB Michael Vick on a conditional basis. Vick’s entourage celebrated the news with a quiet night on the town.

ricky henderson in the hall of fame

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Said Henderson in his speech: “My journey as a player is complete. I am now in the class of the greatest players of all time, seek and at this moment I am very humbled…and now I’m gonna go hit my hall of fame balls on some white girls face and tittayz!”

american idol contestant run over

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Authorities say a 25-year-old former two-time “American Idol” contestant, medications Alexis Cohen, has been struck and killed by a car in a New Jersey shore town.

Simon Cowell has been asked to do the eulogy. No word on if Paula Abdul will show up at the funeral wasted or sober, “I’m not sure yet if I will show up wasted or sober” says a wasted Paula Abdul.

girls of the wnba gone wild dvd

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Becky Hammon after scoring a record high of 12 girl points, capsule at this years wnba all star game has confirmed a “girls of the wnbda gone wild” dvd. Awkward teenage boys will reluctantly touch themselves while watching the dvd.

NEWS UPDATE: Wives of the NBA in talks with commissioner David Stern.

cardinals reportedly land matt holliday

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The St. Louis Cardinals have traded for Oakland outfielder Matt Holliday. Matt Holliday trades his wife for local St. Louis undergrad college student.

NEWS UPDATE: Matt Holliday in talks with Local St. Louis undergrad college student about trading his daughter for her BFF.

obama health plan delay bums out hot babes

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Senate Democrats told Barack Obama to “slow down, thumb ” which could dash the hopes of putting the President’s sweeping health care reform bill to a summertime vote. Needless to say, babes were bummed.

mark buehrle and babe toss perfection

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White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle made history on the South Side of Chicago Thursday afternoon, order tossing a perfect game against the Tampa Bay Rays. On the same day local Chicago babe tosses a perfect ass.

footage of lebron james getting dunked over sparks reveal of hot girls ba dunk a dunk tapes

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Now that the long awaited footage of Lebron James getting dunked over has finally surfaced, recipe ba dunk a dunk tapes from all over the country have begun flooding the internet.

tennessee gov. calls off manhunt for front of girls dress

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After an exhausting two week search, buy more about the Governor of Tennessee has called off the manhunt for the front of local eighteen year old Jenny’s summer dress. While the family of the young girl is still offering a $500 reward for information leading to the return of the front of the dress, men across Tennessee are offering double that amount for the piece of fabric to remain missing.

Sam Raimi to Direct World of Warcraft Movie

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World of Warcraft babes come out of their parents homes and go wild.

espn’s erin andrews showers in bathing suit

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Erin Andrews photo nude in her hotel room from a sneaky peephole, here have been floating around the internet.  A paranoid Erin, page now only showers in a one piece bathing suit.

NEWS UPDATE: Sneaky peepholes, sneakily being implemented in most hotel rooms.

free breast examine with each flu vaccine

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The FDA has approved a measure that allows each swine flu vaccine recipient to obtain a free breast examination.

true blood being downloaded by werewolves

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Vampire babes have noticed the surge of werewolves hollering at them. HBO’s True Blood could be the cause of the vampire lust. Local werewolf admits, order I wish I had married a vampire.

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